It's okay to feel something even if the feelings bad. That's what I'm learning. Sometimes, things happen and you just don't want to deal with the aftermath. Your thoughts become too overwhelming and your emotions too deep.
See, I did anything not to feel. Not to relive something. Effectively drown my sorrows in anything but my sorrows.
Yet, in the face of it, that is the most counterproductive you can get.
Escape everything sure. That can be done. Leave the country - break off from everything I know. Easy.
However, I simply cannot break away from my mind, soul and sprit. They are an inherent part of me.
As a result, I cannot unlearn what I know or unfeel what I do.
I can simply - and only this.. Simply allow myself the pure grace of feeling..
..Something. Crash or burn or elated joy. Either way it is respecting yourself enough to allow for feeling. It is saying, I am weak and human and that is a beautiful thing. Don't berate yourself for what you can't control.
After all, going numb to every emotion does not stop the emotions from flowing when I come back to consciousness.
I am a sentient being, I am someone who feels deeply. Sometimes I feel things that are not good.
That is okay. As long as you don't shut yourself off of yourself, even if that means feeling something bad.. You'll get through it.
Accept the feeling. Allow it to wash over you. Chalk it up to experience. And then move on.
It may not be what I want to hear right now, but that's really all I can do.
And it's enough.
After all, even the tallest, prettiest flowers have to grow through soil right?
BE.
