Tears well up in my eyes and if I let myself I will cry, a rib cage shattering, explosive, endless stream of tears falling from my eyes. And I can't even quite tell you why. If I could put it to anything it'd be fatigue. Mental fatigue of years of jumping between mines. I just want to live. Blissfully, without complication or burden. Because this shit is so heavy to carry with me sometimes I think I'm going crazy. Sometimes I feel so alone, like I'm the only one in the world who has my thoughts and my mind and my.. Oh rare soul. All the absolute love and compassion you hold for every single creature on this earth and no one can see that. Oh rare soul, your mind spans decades driven only by concept and idea's that are but a fragment of your imagination. This is all I know how to do. And if only I could verbalise quite so much I am full. Overflowing with the abundance of experience and life that I have lived.. I need to process. And breathe. And be alone please just let me be alone. I'll figure it out I promise. I know me, I'm just having a minute. Im just having a minute that turns into two that turns into hours that turn into days. And suddenly I've become to familiar with this weight just above my ribcage. I feel it move seamlessly within me, my every motion emulates and influenced by shadows of the past, my personal demons my own shit. Just let me figure it out I promise I'll figure it out.
And I write like I'm possessed. Like I'm overcome with creatures from a different place..otherworldly..too far and wide enough for you to comprehend my dear. And I write like if I stopped I'd lose my breath, neither consistent breaths nor fully, ending.
End. This stream of consciousness envelops me and I feel the back of my spine tingle with something.
So FEEL Basak. Feel something because soon you'll be dead. Feel even if it is uncomfortable, especially if it's uncomfortable. Welcome to the human condition. Let the emotion settle on the very tip of your fingers and travel to the back of your spine. For this is the only way, the ONLY way you'll know your alive. Listen to the beat of your heart B. It is alive solely for you. It's time for you to come alive. For you.
