I Am Beautifully, Wonderfully Flawed

"I am the architect of my own destruction" - 

How I want the words to spill of the proverbial page tonight. So much on my heart, it's hard to conjure up the right words to express them. 

I'm surrounded by many things in my life, friendships, burdens and love. Yet I am constantly discontent. I want to feel at peace and one with myself and my place in the world. Instead I'm plagued with anxiety; I'm not advancing at the pace I want to go at, not leading the life I think I'm supposed to. And it's difficult man, fucking difficult to constantly not meet your own expectations of yourself. To constantly be your own source of disappointment. 

'Nobody to blame Kurt Cubain I did it to myself'

http://youtu.be/6AIdXisPqHc

It's on you man, it's always on you. The weight of that every day, every second. is quite frankly crushing.  What a heavy burden to carry. To never be good enough for you. To berate yourself day by day: 'I could've worked harder', 'I could've looked better' 'I could've sounded more intelligent'

I do it way to often. 

Anyway, the other day it came to the point where I couldn't stand my own thoughts any longer and broke down. 

A close friend reminded me that I would never treat my enemy let alone my closest friends the way I treat myself sometimes and I (albeit reluctantly) agreed with her. How very true that is. Once you all put it into perspective.. 

You have one body, one mind and one soul. Don't soil your spirit unnecessarily. Let go of things that distress you. 

Stop. Pause. Reevaluate. 

Don't choose to launch into a multitude of attacks that only work to further dampen your soul and undermine your spirits...

Learn to Forgive and Love yourself. You are beautifully, wonderfully flawed. It's in your genetic makeup to be that way. Who the fuck am I to fight against my own biology?

Just know that It really is all okay, Tomorrow is a new day and you can try and fuck up a little less. 

Again, FORGIVE yourself. You are not perfect, nor were you ever designed to be. Don't put yourself up to unrealistic goals or wishes. This in particular is 

the most difficult lessons to learn but it all the more necessary. 

Revel in both your imperfect actions and your imperfections. They make you, your quirky unique self. 

BE